‘What do you do?’
My least favourite but most frequently asked question
Throughout my 20s the question ‘what do you do?’ plagued me. It is only relatively recently (as a 34 year old) that I no longer feel confused or insecure about my answer. I also now feel enormous pride for my 20 something self who continued to prioritise her intuition over cultural acceptance and social security. Today I’d like to share some of the lessons that this question has taught me over the years.
1. It is unnatural and unhealthy to be constantly DOING
Partly why the question: ‘what do you do’, has been so challenging for me is because I have absorbed a culture that celebrates constant productivity and DOING. Allowing time to rest and reflect has felt like weakness. It took me a decade to learn that periods of non-doing, just being and retreating, are necessary for my health and my growth. In the same way that nature blossoms in the spring and sheds in the winter, I’ve discovered that my life also unfolds with bursts of activity and subsequent periods of letting go to be reborn all over again. Part of my mission with The Intuition School is to provide students with a refuge from the relentless culture we live in: an invitation to pause and soften before redirecting themselves in life.
2. Stop caring about what other people think and make a mess
This is much easier said than done! When I completed my undergraduate degree in art history at 21 I felt VERY lost. I honestly had no idea what I wanted to pursue next and felt ashamed that I didn’t have it ‘all figured out’. I remember the summer after I had completed my degree: my family had congregated for our annual gathering in the South of France to celebrate my grandfather’s birthday. I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy the sea and sunshine but instead sat inside furiously googling jobs and career paths. My life loomed ahead of me like an uncertain void and my overthinking was paralysing. Instead of slowing down and listening to myself I obsessively asked everyone around me what they thought I should do. At some point my young cousin, George, who must have been 6 or 7 came to offer me some advice: ‘What about ceramics! That could be a fun thing to do!’ At the time I immediately dismissed his words. My punishing way of thinking trapped me from appreciating that I was allowed to start something new if I wanted to, I didn’t need to know exactly where I was going and following my childlike curiosity and fun was the probably a very sensible thing to do! With hindsight, George was extremely tuned in. As time unfolded not only did I develop a genuine interest in ceramics but chose to pursue a path which depended on a different kind of intelligence from the one I’d developed throughout my education at school and university. Training to be an Alexander Technique teacher taught me to harness the wisdom of my body, hands and intuition. I’ve quietly appreciated the parallels between moulding clay and guiding a body back to their most aligned shape many times. Thank you George 🙂.
3. We are not one dimensional beings
Going through my 20s I craved a neat and simple label to define myself by: teacher? animator? documentary filmmaker? I thought that having one would offer me security and help me understand myself better. There is definitely some value in this. But the problem I have with labels is that they are never all-encompassing and only reinforce a culture that celebrates one-dimensional and linear people! As I have grown older I have learnt that my multi-dimensionality is a strength and something to be celebrated rather than squashed. I am an artist, a teacher, a mother. I have many interests and hope to explore them all in time. Making collages has helped me to integrate the different parts of myself: I now look at myself and my life as an ever evolving collage, one that I can continue to edit.
4. The ‘artist’ challenge: resolving the tension between where I am and where I want to be
A year after completing my art history degree I enrolled in a year of film school to learn how to make documentary films. I had made a short film with my brother, which had been met with some success and the joy of the whole process steered my decision to follow this creative direction.
During my time as a student I found answering the question ‘what do you do’ easy and simple. It was after I completed the diploma that I struggled again to answer it. Was I allowed to call myself a filmmaker if I had never won any awards or sold a film to a production company? I now regret allowing my insecure thinking to stunt my making during this delicate time. Instead of continuing to nurture my projects and back myself I poured my energy into establishing myself as a producer in a company that didn’t particularly align itself with my own interests. It gave me a job title, small salary and a neat answer to the question ‘what do you do’ but very quickly I began to feel burnt out and disillusioned with what I was doing. This eventually led to a painful rupture which steered me to a more authentic direction.
Being an artist of any kind requires enormous courage. It is an enormously worthwhile path because it enables you to develop resilience, self belief and self worth as well as an incredible trust in your intuition. The early days are extremely challenging especially when your current reality doesn’t necessarily match up with an instinct of who you feel you could become. My advice to all you artists out there is don’t give up. Keep making. And keep sharing.1
Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead,
Sophie
If you are wondering: ‘but how do I make a living from this’ I urge you to read Elizabeth Gilbert’s ‘BIG MAGIC’ (I referenced it a few weeks ago). She explains beautifully how the pressure to make money often crushes an artist’s creativity. I want to remind you that being an artist doesn’t have to be the way that you make money. It can still be ‘what you DO!’
A beautiful piece that resonates, thank you!
Pleasure to read about your ideas, especially heading 3. The longer we live the more we discover about ourselves and how we relate to others. The discovery never ends and makes life endlessly exciting. Only one label can fit any human being: you, as unique as you are. And yes, no need to be worried about what other people think about us. Usually they just don't. :)